🌞 Fake News – April 08 2022

*Stock data as of market close, cryptocurrency data as of 5:00 am ET.

Lead: White House Using Misinformation

credit: theguardian

Remember that story where the White House told us Putin was moments away from using chemical weapons? Turns out that was a lie.

Misinformation is not just a tool for “the other side.” Three U.S. government officials told NBC News that the Biden administration is releasing information to the public that is not “rock solid” or "faulty" at best in order to garner support for its stance against Russia. 

The three unnamed sources said that the President has released classified information in a manner that is faster than normal and the intelligence community has had to scramble to protect any possible sources. 

One example is the news from the White House that Russia would use faked video showing an attack on Russian-speaking Ukrainians as an excuse to attack. The video never materialized. Another is that Russia was re-positioning chemical weapons for use when no proof of that exists. 

The officials said that this tactic has helped the U.S. unite other Western nations around their goal, which is to “get inside Putin’s head.” 

So what do we believe? Well the U.S. has a long track record of tall tales for wars that it wants, i.e. weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. We do not find this story surprising, unfortunately. 

Gender In The Garden State

south brunswick high school new jersey credit: google maps

The state of New Jersey is doing the opposite as the state of Florida and purposely inserting gender education for grade-schoolers. 

The new education standards for young children focus on gender, not sexuality. I believe that this is where the controversy gets lost in conflict. 

What is wrong with teaching children that gender is not necessarily two opposite sides? What is wrong with teaching boys that they can play with “girl things” and feel “like a girl,” despite what body parts they have? And vice versa, of course. Breaking down gender stereotypes is a good thing to do early.  

But do we have to teach children about sexuality in the first grade? Is there a way to teach them that some families have two mommies or two daddies or other combinations of adults or sometimes only one adult without teaching them about sexual attraction? Sure there is but you have to calm the eff down to do so and no one seems able to do that in the debate about gender and sexuality. 

In related news, Los Angeles County has banned official travel to Florida because of the new gender education laws. How much do city officials from Los Angeles have to travel to Florida? 

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Give Daddy a Kiss

credit: giphy

Veterinarians say you might want to stop letting your dog kiss and lick you. A new study found that 14% of dogs had a super strain of E.coli in their saliva. 

How does that E.coli get there? Dogs lick their bums, that’s how. The E.coli in question is being called a “super strain” because it is antibiotic resistant. You don’t want to mess with this. 

While 14% of dogs were found to have this, 13% of humans did too so can we really blame the dog if we get it? Cats were only 5% likely to have it, making them the cleanest of the domesticated. 

In related news, the National Park Service is warning people not to touch wild rabbits in Colorado and Utah due to a hemorrhagic disease outbreak. Let the Easter Bunny come to you. Not the other way around. 

News By The Numbers

credit: illinoispolicy.org

2.81 million. That is how many traffic violations the city of Chicago issued in 2021. That is more tickets than people who live in the city. The tickets brought in $89 million in fines from drivers last year, double the previous year. 

0.4 years. That is how much U.S. life expectancy dropped from 2020 to 2021. 

4 million. That is how many dead chickens were left behind in Ukraine due to the war. Only click this if you’ve got a strong stomach. 

42%. That is how many Brits want to skip over Prince Charles and just let Prince William be king already.

What's Trending?

credit: giphy

Masters is trending because the tournament has begun and Tiger Woods is in fact competing. This actually makes this a pretty good weekend to be quarantined with Covid. 

MLB is trending because the season started yesterday. The season was set to start in March but league negotiations delayed the season by a week. 

Ezra Miller is trending because fans are demanding that he be replaced as The Flash by Grant Gustin, the actor that plays The Flash in the CW series. No one asked us but we always thought that Gustin should play the character in the movie adaptations. He’s great whereas Miller is going through a weirdo phase that fans do not want to abide. 

This man has gone viral for using processed food for hairdos. 

Rex Manning is trending because today was Rex Manning Day in the 1990s movie Empire Records. So is #DamnTheMan.

Planes, Trains, and Buses 

credit: chick-fil-a

American Airlines is using a newfangled vehicle for transporting passengers on connecting flights. It’s called a bus. 

The airline announced that it has partnered with the bus company Landline to transport passengers between smaller airports in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. These routes used to be flown in airplanes but gas is expensive, in case you haven’t noticed. A bus will do just fine. 

Passengers will not have to go through security again when they are on these hopper trips but they will have to budget more time. The hopper flights take about 30 minutes but the bus trips: two hours. Mother Earth will thank you for it though. A bus releases a lot less carbon than a plane. 

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